I’m a regular watcher of the Today Show on NBC (much to the chagrin of my conservative family).
This morning they were telling the story of a kid’s TV host in England with one arm. Parents are in outrage that she is “flaunting” her one arm, and are afraid that she is scaring their kids. Really? Honestly, it it scares your kids, turn it off. If your kid says, “hey, mom! That girl only has one arm!” respond by saying, “Yep. There’s lots of different ways people are built. Some has black skin, some have white skin. Some people can’t walk, talk or see. Some people have no legs, and some have curly hair. God makes everyone different.” Personally, I don’t think that most three year olds would think it was scary or even notice it. They might point it out but I can’t imagine any having nightmares from it.
Now to the octuplet mom. I’m going to preface my thoughts with this: The decision she made is not one that I would have made. I would have looked into embryo adoption before trying to have more kids when I wasn’t married and living with my parents.
BUT. (you knew there was a but coming, right?)
NO ONE can tell some one how many kids they can or can’t have. It isn’t right. I choose to be done having kids with three. The Duggar’s choose to have 18 kids. My friend chooses to have one child. IT IS A PERSONAL DECISION.
This morning they showed a clip of Dr. Phil asking her if she wanted to have eight babies. Really, Dr. Phil? Seriously. The odds that she would have 8 babies was SO low, there was no way she set out to have 8 babies. And, I can’t figure out why pro-life groups aren’t praising her for not aborting any of her children. For that I think she should be admired.
I think she has a really rough road ahead of her. She is going to need a lot of help. I hope her parents will be supportive. I hope she belongs to a church that can offer some assistance. I hope she writes a book to make some money. I wish people would stop talking about how selfish she is. Sure, it isn’t a decision I wouldn’t make, but she’s doing the best she can. And, I’m not surprised to read that there are a lot of doctors that regularly implant more embryos than the guidelines. It’s expensive, it ups the chances of getting pregnant, etc. They probably shouldn’t do it, but I think that is something the patient and doctor should decide using the guidelines. And all this talk about “making sure this doesn’t happen again” is ridiculous. No one should get to decide how many, or when or how another person chooses to have babies.
Now, please share your thoughts. I know that there are a lot of strong feelings on both sides of the story, so be respectful.
10 comments:
Octo-mom: I think she was incredibly selfish to have, well...any of them without a dad. But to keep having more and more? It breaks my heart for those kids. And to want even "just" one more when she already had 6? And no dad? And no job? Especially when 2 of the 6 have special needs? It makes me mad on behalf of those kids. The thing I've heard no one do is compare her to those sad, wayward 14 year old girls who have babies on purpose just to have one person to love and depend on. She has said repeatedly that she had kids to make up for coming from a lousy home with lousy parents. And she wanted so many kids to make up for being an only child. She is that 14 year old girl in a 33 (?) year old woman's body. The biggest problem is that she never stopped until it was totally out of control.
Hey Amanda!
The thing that bugs me on the octuplet mom is not that she decided to have so many kids, but that (and I hope this doesn't sound jerky or insensitive) she's already on public assistance (or so I've heard) and will obviously need much much more public assistance now. Which means that all of us have to pay for her choice. And yeah, we should all help each other out, but it's tough when some of us who might be more "responsible" in our choice making are forced to take care of people who aren't as responsible, not just because they're down on their luck but because they make a conscious choice to make their situation harder and more expensive. Does that make sense? I mean in her case, even just one more child would stretch the situation, much less eight!
I also feel really bad for her parents. What a burden to have to take on...supposedly they're already taking care of the 1st 6 and don't have enough room in their house, time or money to do that.
So there's my rantingish thoughts on the matter.
And as far as the lady with one arm, give me a break! Just because she has one arm means she shouldn't be a kid's tv person? What kind of world is it becoming out there...
I do feel bad for the kids. They also have a hard time ahead, I think. Her parents do as well.
My oddball thoughts;
1. I think shows like Jon and Kate + 8 and the Duggars are influencing people to have more kids and romanticizes the celebrity aspect of having large families.
2. The Doctors and clinics should be held more accountable. That being said, I am not comfortable with government regulations on family size. So what is the solution?
3. Children deserve a mother and a father. We understand that this woman wanted to feel love from her children, but what about the child's needs?
4. Did anyone see the Oprah where children who came to life via a sperm donation at a sperm bank were searching out their fathers? It may have been one of the most heartbreaking episodes ever. These kids kept saying, "I just keep wondering does he (the sperm donor)ever think about me?" And of course... the answer was no.
I think this woman has hit a nerve in this country and has sparked up some necessary conversation. I am afraid that it will lead negative places however. Thanks for posting Amanda!
-J
OK..so I can't believe there was a story about the thing in England. I lived there for 1 1/2 years and to be honest...the English are much more "accepting" of differences than Americans, so I think it's hysterical that they did a story here about that!
Now for the Octuplets...I just feel sorry for her. She shouldn't have to be scrutinized by everyone in the country. The media, Dr. Phil, and everyone who is so concerned about it should be thinking of ways to help her. Again, I just feel bad for her. I wouldn't have chosen her path, but it is what it is and she will have to live with it...I think she knows that.
Gee, you know I'm going to have an opinion, Amanda. I don't feel sorry for the octuplet mom at all. Mostly because she doesn't seem to feel sorry for herself. And the media attention is actually good. It brings in more money to care for those children. Each interview means money in her pocket, hopefully going towards caring for the children. I do believe that she made the wrong choice though. But she is a different person than me and seems to have some serious issues that led to these choices. But what I can't stand the most in all the media coverage of this is how the media focuses on the number of children and they make it seem like it was selfish of her to have lots of children and not becaues of the other circumstances. Simply because she has a lot of children. That bugs me. If people want to have a bunch of children then I say bless them. Someone needs to because it certainly isn't me. Once again, i'm not saying it should have been her to have all the children. Are these thoughts even making sense? I'll shut up now.
I’m very opinionated so this may be long.
I have very mixed feelings on the Octo mom. I agree to a certain extent that no one should be able to tell anyone how many children to have, but where do you draw the line when people just keep having more and more children that they can't take care of mentally, emotionally or financially?
I worked at a hospital a while back and there was a woman who was mentally ill and not able to take care of her children so they were taken away by the state, yet she continued to have more kids. It got to the point that the state made plans before the babies were even born to step in and take them. It is completely irresponsible of that woman and if the state has to come in time and time again to take care of her kids because she can't I do think they should have some say in whether she has any kids or not.
Like that mom I think Octo mom is mentally ill and needs help. I feel for her and those kids…she won’t be hurting for money because she is getting enough press that she’ll get book, TV and movie deals, but I think that is the least of her concerns when she is having babies to fill a void in her life. She needed to realize that if the first six didn’t feel that void then having even just one more wasn’t going to accomplish that either. They have a very long road ahead of them.
I have such mixed feelings about the octo-mom thing. I completely agree that no one should be able to tell you how many children you should or shouldn't have. I do feel sorry for those children. Not only are some of them going to have health issues, they have no father, they're going to grow up scrutinized by the media and the public because of their mother.
What I do have a hard time with is the fact that she can't provide for the children she already had. Public assistance and taxpayers are providing for her and her family. I have issues with the welfare system of our country anyway, and the people who do nothing to provide for themselves and their families but who keep having children and expecting the state to pay for them.
My 6 year old was watching this exact broadcast with me. Her comment on the UK host was, "Why is that such a big deal." It is most certainly NOT children that have a problem with the host having one arm, it is adults and That is shameful!
And as for the octuplets situation. The children will be effected, and that is what is shameful. I think the mother is dealing with some mental issues, and her decisions are making it difficult for a lot of others. We live in a free country. We all have rights, the ability to act, think, feel, have opinions and such as long as our rights do not infringe on that of others. Her actions are infringing on others--not ok! My heart breaks for her children
I think the arm issue is rediculous, kids tend to be far more accepting of differences in people that adults do.
As for octo-mom, like many I have mixed feelings. I totally agree that the government should NOT be able to tell people that they can or can't have more children.
I also think that people should behave responsibly when it comes to procreation and I feel like there are some serious emotional issue this mom needs to deal with.
As for the whole us paying for her kids issue, there are thousands of women our there every single year who have babies just to increase their welfare checks, so it's not fair to single this woman out.
It's important to note that she's only being singled out because of the 8 babies. If she'd just had one more, or even if she'd had 8 more one or two at a time no one would have even noticed.
My biggest feelings on the whole octo-mom issue is concern for the babies. They need love and care and they didn't choose their mom or their situation. They deserve to be cared for, one way or the other.
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