A Sweet Six Years

There is no pain like the pain of wanting something that you can’t have.  Especially, when what you want is good.  Especially, when what you want is a child.  Hoping for something with your whole heart and being denied that is painful for the heart, soul and spirit.

Almost eight years ago my son was born.  He came into our family with little effort.  We didn’t wait long to find out that I was pregnant.  Labor was only eight hours.  He brought into our lives a sweetness we hadn’t known before.  We were eager to give him a little brother or sister, so when he was a couple months old our quest for another baby began.

Almost two years later, we still weren’t pregnant despite fertility treatments.  We looked into the process of adoption and decided that it might be something for us to pursue.  We thought about it, researched it, prayed about it and decided to jump in.  We started filling out forms, had our home inspections, attended classes, put together a mini-scrapbook for potential birth-mothers to peruse, and we hoped. 

It seemed as though we had been waiting for so long to hold another baby in our arms that I was impatient.  When you are hoping for a baby, it seems like everyone around you is pregnant.  It was hard for me to see so many pregnant people.  At the same time, however, I was so happy for friends that were expecting their own blessings. 

One day we got a phone call that a little boy had been born, and was going to be placed with a family and the birthmother had chosen us.  We were thrilled.  We rushed to get background checks completed, and started making arrangements to bring this little boy home.

I remember standing in the scrapbook store with my mom when my cell phone rang.  I saw that it was the adoption agency and thought that they were calling with some more instructions.  As soon as I said hello though I knew that this adoption would not happen for us.  I tried to keep a happy face because I had to tell Bryan before I told anyone else, so as my mom and I left the store I breathed a sigh of relief that she didn’t buy the baby boy themed supplies.  I went home and cried.  My heart was broken.  I called Bryan.  I called my mom and asked her to tell everyone and I didn’t answer the phone for the rest of the day.

Having this adoption fail magnified the pain of wanting something so much.  We did what we had to do though, we pressed on and kept praying.  We cared for our son and got ourselves ready for his second birthday. 

A few weeks after his second birthday I was in my bedroom when the phone rang.  I was cleaning up and organizing so I was distracted when the phone rang.  On the other end was the adoption agency with the sweetest news… a little girl had been born and was waiting for an adoptive family.

We made the arrangements to fly to where she was and went to meet our new daughter.  When we had clearance to come home we got to introduce our daughter to our son, and that was one of the sweetest moments of my life.  That brother and sister bond was all ready there. 

It’s hard to believe that it has really been six years since a woman we met only briefly made a decision that has blessed our lives a million times over.  Six years and countless sweet memories: holding her while she slept; the finalizing of the adoption; her blessing, having her sealed to us; her first birthday; watching her learn and take the world in; watching her be a little sister and later, a big sister; enjoying her enthusiasm and love of life; feeling her soft pillow-like hair; feeling the squeeze of her strong hugs; and knowing that she is with us for eternity.

Happy birthday to my sweet girl.  I love you. Always. And forever.

This post has been entered in Scibbit’s monthly Write-Away contest.