First, let me say, that I don't think that I will change anyone's mind on this issue. I started this post a few days ago. Then I decided not to publish it, but it has been in the back of my mind since, so I decided that I should get my opinion written down. Who knows? Maybe someone out there needs to read this.
With all the attention on Sarah Palin's anti-abortion stance there has been a lot of talk on the subject. It seems to me that a lot of people tend to think of it as either or. Either abort your baby or put life on hold and raise the baby. Either raise your baby or abort your baby.
Thinking of Palin's seventeen-year-old daughter, Bristol, it seems that the papers here (in all the letters to the editors) have made it that she either should have had an abortion or she must marry the father and raise the baby.
Why does it have to be an abortion or get married and raise a child at 17? Why can't it be adoption? Of course, I don't know the Palin's. Maybe adoption is or was considered in Bristol's situation. I hope it was considered. There are so many families that are hoping for a baby in their lives.
I'm not a very political person. I know what I believe and for me that is enough. For me, abortion is wrong. And I am very blessed because of a woman who felt the same way. Because of that, I have a daughter that I wouldn't have had otherwise.
Mother Teresa said, "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
When my daughter's adoption was finalized the judge said the following:
"All I know is that she carried this beautiful little girl to tem, probably under very difficult circumstances and without a lot of support. We live in an incredibly abortion filled world. She could have made some other elections. She chose to carry her to term and I simply want to acknowledge her under record."
When we were going through the adoption process, I was surprised to learn that teen mothers do not make up the largest percentage of birth-mothers that place their babies for adoption. One statistic shows that the average age of a birth- mother placing her child is 24. My daughter's birth-mother was 32.
I think about her a lot. I am constantly wondering where she is and how she is. I hope she knows how grateful I am to her for giving me the chance to have a daughter.
Any thoughts? Or opinions? Please remember to be nice.
17 comments:
So beautifully put. I have several friends who have not been able to conceive and give birth as many mothers do, but because of the amazing, and sometimes painful, process of adoption, they have been blessed with wonderful children. I wish adoption was discussed more often with young girls who become pregnant before they are ready...and I wish it was not called, "giving a baby up" because it's not giving up.
I appreciated your thoughts Amanda...thanks for bringing it up.
Ooh, Leslie! I completely agree. I too hate the term "giving up." I'm careful to use the term "place."
Loved these thoughts, Amanda.
I would say the same for women who don't consider adoption when they are biologically able to conceive (obviously, you understand all of this). Women think "oh, I had a baby. I can't possibly adopt. It's not fair."
Why? There are so many kids who need homes! I've actually considered it myself.
I love this post. It's beautiful. And I'm gonna mention it at my blog if that's okay...
We had a 5th Sunday Combined RS/Priesthood on the very subject last week. It was a beautiful presentation by the Stake's Family Services representative.
The presentation included a video produced by the church (so you know it was perfect and touching and spirit inducing) and they kept using the phrase "it's not giving him/her up, it's giving him/her more."
Placing a baby for adoption is a beautiful and generous choice. Thank you for reminding us Amanda.
Husband and I were just talking about this. We are pro-adoption all the way. We've seen the blessings it can bring to close friends and family. I don't think a 17-year-old is equipped to be a mother. I hardly was at age 24.
During my rebellious phase, I became pregnant at 19. My greatest desire for my sweet baby was a loving, gospel-centered home. I also wanted something for her that I never had, which was for her to be sealed to her parents. I chose adoption because I knew that she could have these things with another family.
My choice to place my daughter wasn't really about me. I think I would've done pretty well as her mom, and I had family support. And I wanted her so badly. But, the choice I made was for her...so that she could have what she deserved.
I consider myself blessed to have experienced such a testimony building trial, although I wouldn't recommend it. ;) I am also blessed to have yearly contact with my daughter through letters and pictures. I hope one day to meet her, and see her adoptive family again.
I also hope to one day have the time and means to spread the word about adoption. I wish more girls/women would consider it, and see how they can bless the lives of the adoptive parents and the life of their own little baby. The sacrifices are many, but the rewards are worth it.
I feel the exact same way about the very issue you're talking about. I think adoption is such a better option than marriage at 17. Yikes.
Adoption is a wonderful thing.
I SO agree. Why don't people encourage adoption more? There seems to be so many couples who would love to adopt. Thanks for sharing your story.
This was such a beautiful post! If you've visited my Blessed Beginnings blog then you know I am 100% pro life. But that doesn't mean that I sit in judgement about this issue, I just know what I feel in my own heart. Thank you for publishing this today, it takes courage to address sensitive issues and you did it so beautifully.
I’m afraid I may be playing Devil’s advocate here, but I am a birth/first/natural mother so I think I can speak with some knowledge on the subject (although I in no way speak for all birth/first/natural mothers). (You can read this post http://deejaya.blogspot.com/2008/06/coming-out-of-closet.html if you want to read the first time I ever spoke about it publicly)
Anyway, I think adoption can be a wonderful option, and the right option in many cases, but I don’t think it’s always the right option. No offence to you or any of the other commenter’s, but young women or adult women for that matter should not be "encouraged" to place their child. I think options should be presented to them, but at the time of an unplanned pregnancy you are so overwhelmed and confused and vulnerable that too much encouragement could lead to doing something you might later regret. (Also let me state that I don’t consider abortion, except under grave circumstances, to be an option!) The placing of a child is hands-down one of the most difficult decisions anyone will ever have to face, and can you imagine the devastation of later realizing that the decision you made wasn’t the right one for you, but you made it because people you loved and trusted encouraged you to?
I personally have found just the opposite in the LDS realm, as far as options go. You are to place your baby, no matter what, if you find yourself facing an unplanned pregnancy. I don’t think that is healthy either. No one should feel that they “have” to “give away” their child just because they are young or can’t “provide” for their child the way that others can. There are plenty of people that have more patience than me and more money than me and probably any number of other things more than me that might be “deemed” better parents than me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not the perfect parent for my daughters.
I do wish more women would consider adoption, especially over abortion, but also over parenting, because let’s face it, not everyone is cut out for parenting, regardless of age or status, but that does not mean it is always the right choice for everyone.
I think adoption can be a beautiful thing and it’s wonderful when adoptions work out. I also know that many of them are facilitated by Heavenly Father, it just concerns me when we paint things with too broad of a brush.
I’m so sorry this ended up being so long, I’m obviously opinionated on the subject :-) I also applaud you for being so open and honest with your feelings and I hope I didn’t offend you in any way, that was not my intent.
I hope this comment isn't taken the wrong way. I hope I can write it in a way that truly reflects my heart and feelings. I try very hard not to be judgmental or mean so if it comes across that way, it's not my intent.
I understand that your post was more about pro-adoption rather than anti-abortion however the Mother Teresa quote you referenced in your post saddened me. It sounded like you were making the assertion that anyone who has an abortion does it for selfish reasons. I would disagree with this.
I had an abortion when I was 18. I know it was the right choice. I would explain the circumstances but it seems moot to defend such a personal choice.
I think it is sad that I feel like I have to keep this part of my life a secret from certain people. People who I am really close to. People that make such strong comments about abortion that I would never feel comfortable sharing with them.
I know this comment, just like you said about your post, isn't going to change anyone's mind on this issue but like you, I am putting it out there anyway.
Thanks.
To anonymous, thanks for your thoughts. I am glad that you are comfortable giving your feelings and you have given me some food for thought.
I agree with you, Desi, that people shouldn't feel forced to place their child but I do hope that is seriously considered as an option.
Just wanted to say hi and that I was curious why no one had brought it up as an option, either. Politically, I saw it being presented as "her mom won't let her get an abortion, so her family is MAKING her get married". I just kept shaking my head, wondering why no one was bringing up the other option - adoption.
Someone in my family gave a baby up for adoption a number of years ago. It was a very difficult time and a very difficult decision but I don't think anyone involved has ever doubted that it was the right decision.
Those thoughts have crossed my mind, as well (regarding Bristol Palin). I love birth moms who perform the most motherly act I can think of -- giving their child a chance at a better life.
Great post, Amanda.
i agree 100%! i oppose abortion! there are so many couples who, for whatever reason, are unable to have children and they are waiting to adopt. it is a tragedy that so many babies are aborted while so many people wait years and years for that one precious baby to be given to them through adoption!
Post a Comment