I have a child that gets frustrated easily and tends to be a bit of a perfectionist. When said child gets frustrated this child says: "I hate myself!" or "I am stupid!"
My question is: What do I say? How should I respond?
Usually I say something like, "You're very smart, just keep trying" or "Don't say that." Lately when I hear "I hate myself!" I respond with an "I'm sorry."
It breaks my heart to hear this child being so hard on themselves. I don't want to do the "wrong" thing and make it worse. Please help.
6 comments:
Ooh. This is a tough one and I'm not sure what to do. Maybe say things like "Heavenly Father and/or Jesus think you are very smart. They love you and they don't like to hear you say these things."
Of course, if I was a child psychologist, I could tell you if they are just acting out because they know you'll say you love them --they like the verbal praise and so they try to get it any way they can. OR your child really feels that way and might need some kind of intervention. OR it's just a phase.
I wish I could be more help!
This is probably no help, but I think it depends on which child. Tai Nui was play hitting himself, slapping himself to be funny, but I told him to knock it off because we don't treat ourselves like that. (Its not ok for someone else to hit you, its not ok for you to hit yourself) but when Sydney started following his example, we had the same conversation, and I told him that I don't ever want Sydney to think its ok to hit herself or for someone to hit her, so he had to stop. He never did it again.
Our older kids are really an example to our younger ones.
It also really depends on the why. If child needs more attention, ignoring this behavior and giving more attention earlier/later would work. If child is really frustrated about not being able to do something and their self esteem is hurting because of it, maybe try setting up planned successes that would help them see they are capable.
I have had a kid or two try "stupid" or "hate" and my response is "we don't talk like that at our house. Little girls/boys that talk like that have to sit on their bed." And to my perfectionist, I say, "I see you are frustrated. Its ok to be frustrated. Its not ok to talk like that. Lets try again when you are calmed down." Usually her anger is directed at me, not herself.
Hope something was helpful. I go around and around with my perfectionist, I am trying to teach her patience with herself too. Good luck. Sorry about the novel!
We have this in common too, huh? My middle one is like this. She often says she is dumb and when she is really upset she will bang her head on her bed really hard. The frustrating part for me is that when I try to talk to her and calm her down she tend to escalate and get more upset. I have sat by her and grabbed her and just hugged her and that has helped. I don't have any real solutions. Sorry. It does help for them to know how much they are loved by you and their Father in Heaven. But as you probably already know that doesn't keep it from happening.
OH, that is so hard. I have only had this problem a couple times with a child. I just use the reminder "Just as we don't say mean words to other people, we don't say them to ourselves either. We need to treat ourselves with respect." But like it has already been said, evry child is different.
I have one who is so hard on himself when things don't turn out the way he wants. I do what others have suggested, but I think it's a problem that may plague him his entire life. I think the key is trying to channel it into positive successes and victories. It's hard. Good luck.
Those are fun Zoo pictures We just went to the Zoo too it was such a blast.
Hay did you see Bev and Tom started a blog too. I think it is just so they can save their 3 kids (you, Me, and Tashes blogs so they can stay updated.) We'll see how computer savvy they really are. YOu can look at my blog to see theirs. I still am amazed at how you can scrap book and blog so well with 3 little kids...late nights or a super women are my two guesses
Post a Comment